November 14th, 2008 by john 
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Frustrated parents in Nebraska are abandoning their children at local hospitals. Yes, you read that correctly. Little Johnny didn’t eat his peas? Sassy Marie, mouthing off? Lazy Mickey not taking out the trash? Fear not, just anonymously abandon them at the nearest hospital. That’s it, like dropping off your clothes at the cleaners. Free from prosecution. Smells of bad government gone crazy, again.
Like Little Lemmings
And it’s not just Nebraskan parents. It seems that parents on the edge are crossing the states borders to leave their problems behind.The Nebraskan state legislature is about to fix a mistake in the original offending law and parents are desperately trying to beat the clock. The problem has gotten so bad, Nebraska’s Governor, Dave Heineman announced yesterday “Please don’t bring your teenager to Nebraska”. Somebody pinch me because I think I’m effen dreaming! Is this for real? Unfortunately, it is.
Safe Haven For Who?
It’s all due to the Nebraska Safe Haven Law. It was meant to allow parents to anonymously drop off their infants at local hospitals, without fear of legal action. This was intended to stop mothers of unwanted infants from abandoning their babies. There is just one problem. In their infinite wisdom, the Super Genius State Legislators forgot to set an age limit. WOW! That’s some oversight. All 50 states have some form of safe haven laws. All but Nebraska include an age limit, usually from three to thirty days. According to CNN, Nebraskan state Health and Human Services officials are quoted as saying that “they will not take in any children older than 17″. Oh, thank goodness! I was scared for a minute there! Sounds like everything’s okay?
“Hindsight explains the injury that foresight would have prevented” – unknown
Better Late Than Never
So now state legislators are scrambling to change the law to include an age limit of three days old. Boy, hind sight is 20/20. This will be too late to help all the kids who have already been abandoned. I read one story about a thirteen year old who didn’t know she was being left behind. It was heart breaking. Of all the kids left at the hospitals, not one has been an infant, most have been older than 10. Can you imagine? I can’t.
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{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
No, I can’t imagine doing a thing like that. Perhaps the idiot legislatures that didn’t bother with an age limit when putting this law in place couldn’t imagine it, either.
What’s truly sad is that I’m not surprised when the government does something stupid that ruins lives. That seems par for the course these days.
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John reply on November 15th, 2008 11:35 am:
The Hawg,
What? The government doing something stupid that ruins lives? Surely you must be kidding.
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I’ll go out on a limb here and say I wish I could have dropped my oldest off about 10 years ago. His behavior was so incredibly bad and there was a brief time I was truly afraid of my son. I joined the local Tough Love chapter and worked the program for several years and it did help. But it only changed me, not him.
Long story short, he was kicked out of the house at 18 and came back 7 months later a changed young man. While he continued making some misteps and eventually had to leave a second time, he grew up into a fine young man who works hard for his family. I couldn’t be prouder of my son. But that road was long and painfully littered with tears and frustration and crushing heartache.
What I’m trying to say is that I understand the feelings these parents are experiencing, although the feelings do not justify wrong actions.
A parent can do most things right (no one is perfect) and the teen can turn into a rebellious monster because of influences from outside the home. The pain of a rebellious child is awful. I can only imagine the pain of losing a child in death, but I wonder which is worse. With the rebellious child, the pain is inflicted day in and day out over a sustained period of time. It causes deep psychological pain to the parents, and perhaps that is what is causing them to do this act which is senseless in the eyes of others.
With that said, Nebraska does need to change their law.
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John reply on November 15th, 2008 11:29 am:
Hilary,
Like your son, I turned myself around at some point and stopped inspiring thoughts of violence in those around me. I am just very thankful that my mom didn’t drop me off somewhere, although I couldn’t really blame her if she had.
I knew when I was writing this post that it would strike a chord with some of you. I too have felt like leaving my kids somewhere! I was a rebellious monster myself. I gave my mother a run for her money. We still joke about how bad I was at thirteen. I think she literally wanted to KILL me sometimes back then.
I don’t have a good answer as to what to do with troubled, rebellious teens. But, I think there must be better options available than just simply abandoning them somewhere.
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Wow that’s some screwed up stuff. I can’t even fathom what’s going through a teen’s mind when their parent drives them halfway across the country and simply leaves them …
For their mistake they should be forced to provide these kids with the absolute best tools necessary to turn their lives around on their own initiative. Something along the lines of “yeah we “f’d up, and we’re terribly sorry about your situation, but we’re going to do everything we can to help you succeed in spite of it all.” I’m guessing they’re just thrown in the state’s youth shelters then booted out when they turn 18?
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This is unbelievable! I can’t imagine parents just abandoning their kids like this. How awful! I heard of the safe haven law but not about Nebraska’s with no age limit.
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Thank you for bringing some light to a tragic circumstance. Our culture is becoming so self-centered that we are willing to harm our children because it “cramps our style.”
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I don’t even know what to say about this except that it is awful for everyone involved. I know things get tough but I can truly say to me dropping off my kids somewhere would never be the answer.
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What? How? Who?
That is just crazy! How can you forget something that big in a law?
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Wow!
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A father – I read about this on the BBC site nearly a week ago. It is sickening that a parent could even contemplate doing this to their child. God knows I’ve thought about life without them around and every true parent has considered how much better their life would be without “these damn kids”. But to actually DO it… Sweet jesus no!
I’m honestly not sure whether the kids are the problem or the parents are for not having the guts to go through with the joys and pains of raising children. Well, that’s not quite true.. the parents are obviously disfunctional and need help from proffesional care services.
I, personally, cannot watch the Steven Speilburg film A.I. anymore because of the one scene where the ‘infertile’ mother dumps the robot child in the woods and drives off leaving him there. Makes me cry like a baby.
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I can’t imagine doing that, but I think it is a good thing that they are able to drop off children of ANY age, and I wish that more states had that option. I think that if a child is that unwanted, that they are safer in a foster home. I imagine that in many homes the children suffer all sorts of abuse and neglect, simply because they are unwanted but there are no other options.
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This is simply outrages. Thanks for explaining the details in such a depth. I hope that something will be done to prevent such things from happening. I always appreciate bloggers who are able to speak about what really matters. Excellent post!
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crazy, this one, isn’t it? it’s really hard to imagine…
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I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Betty
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if this is true, It’s an outrage! I despise parents who abandon or hurt their children, just because they didn’t want them. I mean come on, honestly, how can you leave a child behind? your own flesh and blood… even if kids can be a handful it certainly is no reason for parents to abandon them. You shouldn’t have had any kids if you knew you can’t take care of them, that’s why there are contraceptives, better yet, don’t have sex at all unless you’re prepared to take on the responsibility that comes with it. It makes me so angry just thinking about the children who are abandoned, and no matter if a good family takes them in, there will always be this kind of void inside them, I don’t think people are really aware of the damage this causes a child…
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I think this is a good sign of insanity. I wish these lawmakers can be able to help at least the abandoned ones. Crazy parents should be jailed long enough.
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It’s hard for me to believe parents are doing this here in America. Even with troubled teens, I can’t imagine abandoning your child. But at the same time, an unwanted child is better off in the state’s hands than with parents that don’t want them.
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Wow I never heard of this till today. That is downright reprehensible. I don’t care how bad your kid is you don’t give up on them unless they are mentally deranged. Leaving a 13 year old at a hospital and not even telling her is just evil.
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what appalls me is that these parents actually have the nerve to abandon their kids! Lesson no.1 don’t have kids if you think you can’t handle them! sheesh!
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That’s ashame it’s hard enough to grow up with one parent more or less none. However, there has been orphans since the beginning of time. I’m not sure that change in law is going to help this any. I hope this kid finds a home and becomes president of the United States.
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Holy craziness, how many children have been “dropped off” and how long has this been going on? I can’t believe this slipped through the cracks and that there hasn’t been a bigger outcry, especially against these parents. What a tragic state of affairs.
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I’m fascinated by all of this. I’ve been been blessed. My three daughters have turned out well, and I’ve never felt a need to abandon them. However, I can understand the desire that others have felt, and I believe that instead of criticizing the Government for writing a law with a loop hole in it, we need to explore the bigger issues.
Today’s LA Times has an article saying that the loop hole has been closed. You can only drop off babies under 30 days old. While I wish everyone who had a baby wanted to keep it, we live in a world where that is not the case, and making it possible for mothers to give birth and give the baby away instead of abandoning or aborting the baby seems to me like a good idea.
Beyond that, the LA Times talks about the story of one mother who abandoned her five year old.
“First, Cowburn’s 5-year-old child tried to bash in a baby’s head with a hammer. Then he set the shower curtain on fire. The next day he plugged all the sinks and toilets in their apartment and flooded the place.
Cowburn and her husband had tried unsuccessfully to get their insurance company to pay for mental health treatment for the boy. The difficulty she had keeping him under control had already helped drive her to attempt suicide last year. Now she felt she had only one option: She flew with her child to Nebraska last week and tearfully left him there.”
There are many children born with difficulties we cannot imagine. I’ve followed the case of Erin Markes, who was arrested for child abuse because her child with lissencephaly was not gaining as much weight as a normal child would. This made national news, with Nancy Grace ranting about the case, until medical professionals stepped in and pointed out the Erin had actually done a great job trying to take care of a child with a horrible birth defect.
How quick we all are to condemn people struggling through incredibly difficult times.
No, we shouldn’t be ranting about parents that in their frustration feel that the best thing they can do is abandon their children. Instead, we need to be finding ways to help everyone in difficult situations make the best choices possible for their children.
End of rant
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John reply on November 22nd, 2008 8:00 am:
“However, I can understand the desire that others have felt, and I believe that instead of criticizing the Government for writing a law with a loop hole in it, we need to explore the bigger issues.”
I agree Aldon that society needs to deal with the bigger issues. Part of the problem revolves around the stigma around treatment for mental illness AND the lack of availability of treatment for lower income families. That being said, I don’t feel anonymously dropping off your troubled teen is the way we should deal with the problem. Additionally, I disagree that we should not criticize the government when they act with complete incompetence. 49 other states got it right and enacted the safe harbor laws with reasonable age limits. In the mean time 35 teens lives have been changed forever due to the Nebraska State Legislatures inability to decide on an age limit. They should be held accountable. Are the teens better off having been abandoned? Probably. Will they be permanently emotionally scarred having been through this ordeal. Most likely. At the end of the day, there has to be a better way way to deal with families in these types of situations.
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Bridget,At the time I wrote the post I couldn’t fnd the answers to the details you seek.
However, I have since discovered the following: the Nebraska safe harbor law was passed in July ‘08. The first teen was dropped off in mid September. To date, 35 teens have been abandoned. Not one infant has been dropped off. The Nebraska legislature “fixed” the law yesterday, 11/21/08 and adopted a 30 day old limitation.
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John, I agree that anonymously dropping off your troubled teen may not be the way we should deal with the problem. However, it seems to me to be a better solution than completely ignoring the problem.
Nor do I have any objection to people offering suggestions to how our government can do a better job. The problem is that too many people that I’ve seen writing on this, and so many other topics is that they just complain without understanding the issue and without offering any better solutions.
As it stands, I’m not sure that Nebraska got it wrong and the other 49 states have gotten it right. As you admit, the teens that have been dropped off, despite the emotional scars they have received are probably better of than if they hadn’t been.
Yes, there must be better ways, but we shouldn’t throw away a minor improvement because it is not perfect.
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John reply on November 22nd, 2008 2:05 pm:
Aldon, first off, I never meant to imply we should ignore the problem. However, I think the safe harbor laws ought to limited to infants. It seems to me that many other options, including individual and or family counseling should be attempted before parents are aloud to just anonymously drop off their kids. There has to be some sort of formal process or it just makes it too easy to abandon your problems.
“The problem is that too many people that I’ve seen writing on this, and so many other topics is that they just complain without understanding the issue and without offering any better solutions.”
I for one, was not trying to complain without offering solutions. I came across this story on NPR, was shocked and horrified and wanted to help make people aware of what was going on. I offered no solutions, because I have none. I am not an expert in this area and am not sure what should be done. One thing I feel certain of is that the experts needed to come up with a solution, don’t reside in the Nebraskan state legislature. With that being said, I applaud them for fixing the original law yesterday and implementing the 30 day age limit.
I was just reading that Nebraska has 6,600 children in state custody and that is one of the highest per-capita in the country. One positive result of this whole thing is that it has shed some light on some huge problems in that state and probably across the nation.
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woah kinda crazy, im afraid to read the rest
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I can’t even imagine how these children must be feeling. Who could do a thing like that? I love my children more than anything. I can’t imagine just leaving them somewhere, even if I knew they would be safe. That’s not the point! The point is that I love them unconditionally, and they were given to me, by God, to watch over and protect and nurture and love. They came from my body, and I cherish them above all else.
My heart goes out to these poor kids. Hopefully they’ll get homes where the families will actually love them no matter what.
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This is real scary stuff. I wonder if the parents have to give any justification for their decision, or is it just a matter of dumping them outside the door, knocking and driving off fast?
Kids can be hell, but also heaven, and ‘for better, for worse’ ought to apply.
When I worked with young people in the UK, all the research showed that those who’d been taken into care were less likely to achieve, more likely to become young parents, and likely to mirror the behaviour they’d received with their children.
Dumping your kid may relieve you of the immediate problem, but it may be more than one life you’re affecting permanently.
Assuming the child was left for a genuine, not coping, reason and the parent recovers. Can they get their child back?
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This is disturbing. Your children are not not like trash that you can just throw them. Parents like this should be punished or get imprisoned for abuse. Nebraskan gov’t should taken action immediately as well as other states so this incident can be avoided.
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